this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
