I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
