You're completely useless in the revolution.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
