I CAN MOONWALK!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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