True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
