The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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