Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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