Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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