i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
