be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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