Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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