Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
