We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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