I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
