I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
