i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is the high leading the old right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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