is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
