C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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