oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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