you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
