No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
