A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
