I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
