It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
