She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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