If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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