She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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