my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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