Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
