i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize