On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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