And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
