My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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