drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
