i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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