Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
