I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
