the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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