Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
