i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
