my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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