the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
