I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
