I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
