that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
