he wants to bone in the snuggie
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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