Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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