As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
