She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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