I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just google imaged poop.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
