Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
