If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
