Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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