I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
