just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want a musical about memes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
