piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
