Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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