why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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