no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
