he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
