Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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