My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
