I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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