Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
