Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
