in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
