I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
