I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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