oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
