My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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