His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
