She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize